his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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