walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
