how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
