Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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