I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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