So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize