dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
