I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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