It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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