I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Randomize
