I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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