At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
