bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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