Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
