I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
