he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
