we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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