You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
