I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
this hospital has no fireball
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
