his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
