sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
