it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
