It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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