Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
