i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
