so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
