so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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