So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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