5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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