Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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