Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
