I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
