The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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