i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
where are my pants?
in the oven.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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