I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
