I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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