I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
