Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
