I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
