She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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