my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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