He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
