Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
