She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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