Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
