Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
