some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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