My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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