I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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