i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need to align my fucking chakras
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
