He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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