I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize