Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
