Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
