i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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