You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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