Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
