Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
