Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
