omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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