Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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