Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize