You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
