He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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