she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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