my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
