Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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