Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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