dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize