i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
