apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
