No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
