I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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