The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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