Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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