Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
