i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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