So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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