We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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