Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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