You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
