i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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