i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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