I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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