my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
