I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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