My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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