So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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