Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
