i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
