Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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