My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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