I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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