Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She even gives head with a lisp.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize