No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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