also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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